redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
