The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
