the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
