So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
