I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
