chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
