it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
