I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
