So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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