I want to walk on stilts...naked
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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