There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
