It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
