Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
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