Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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