She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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