the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
