I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
