i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
