have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
NoShamevember. You game?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
