So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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