i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She's the barista slut.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
