i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Buhtt sex?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
