My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
