dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
