I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
did you just send me my own nude
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
