Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
