Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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