She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I think a kid would responsible me up
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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