I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
