Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
