Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
