Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
