So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
