i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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