We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
