Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
