Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
