Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
