He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
