I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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