My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
