could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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