Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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