I didn't shave. On purpose
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
