There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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