New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So many bounce houses so little time
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
