A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
