Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
