My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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