Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
