I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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