your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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