I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Randomize
