wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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