You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
